Everybody's Got One
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Tuesday, April 27, 2004


This clever email was forwarded to me by someone whose friendship I'd prefer to keep, so I won't be responding directly - but it's just too obvious a target to let pass.
One Smart Texan

There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy--Johnny.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush fan." The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?" Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan, so I'm a Kerry fan!"

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're [sic] Mom was a moron, and you're [?] dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."
Let's deconstruct ... anyone who doesn't think the way I and my in-group do is stupid ... No wonder he's a Kerry fan.

That said - and noting sadly the middle-school grammar mistake - the joke isn't a perfect dissonance-dismissal. If only the teacher were somehow motivated by financial gain rather than simple state pride: that way all conceivable reasons for supporting Republicans could be included in one neat package: greed, ignorance, unthinking conformity, and stupidity.

Update: Hours after posting this I found a flyer in my mailbox from the Neighborhood Association Nazis organizing the easily-outraged to close down a local donut shop (actually not the whole shop, just the eco-unfriendly drive-through window – ie, the rush hour profit center that keeps the business afloat.) For The Children™. For The Planet™. For Our Property Values. But mostly For The Children™.

If they succeed – and they clearly don't mind making waves, and have people with nothing better to do with their time – locals who want coffee and carbs for their breakfast commute will have to make a left turn and drive a block and a half to McDonald's, whose drive-through was grandfathered into the upscale rezoning plan.

The first question I ask is whether these arrogant twits recognize that they're carrying McDonald's water in trying to shut down a competitor. The follow-up is, whether any of the NAN's have thought through favoring a multinational (whose local franchisee just happens to contribute to the NA's operating budget) over a mom-and-pop start-up. And I found myself wondering, Who besides someone with a vested interest, an ideologue, or an idiot, would believe this crap?

So, how, exactly, is this attitude of mine different from Texas Johnny's?

posted by Kelly | 3:43 PM link